A Nostalgic Feeling
by Marty-kun
Summary: Have you ever regretted letting go of someone? I have… [SxS] [One Shot]


**Author's Note: **

My first one-shot! Yay! I don't know, I just thought of this last night... and decided to write a story from it. It's short but I hope its okay… Continue forward then, and tell me how it was, please? Ha-ha…Marty-kun

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**A Nostalgic Feeling**

Marty-kun

**Summary: **

Have you ever regretted letting go of someone? I have… SxS (One-Shot)

**Disclaimer: **

Not mine, CLAMP owns all characters except one, and that is the plot, and it belongs to me.

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I browse the internet with my computer; this day is boring, too boring. I wish I could do something, something that would surely amuse me and divert my attention to something else, anything would be better, anything than her.

Thinking that browsing the world wide webs would avert my mind, but unfortunately, it doesn't. Nothing occupies it, nothing except her.

Maybe I just miss her.

Maybe not.

I can't think of anything else except for her. Images of her just always appear on my head.

That curly auburn hair of hers that rests beautifully upon her shoulders. The way she pouts when I tease her. That's so cute. The feeling of her warm, soft hands. Her way of speaking, her voice, it makes me want to listen every time she speaks. How I stare at those emerald eyes of hers.

Maybe listening to any music would do me some good. I looked for some websites containing my favorite songs, there I listen to it one-by-one.

Nostalgic memories occur to me whenever I recall something of our times together, so I skip one song every time I remember her.

I remember hearing her sing this… next.

This one… she listens to this whenever she uses my MP3, so no good.

She asks me for this song's lyrics, so this is bad.

Not this one, this is worse, she hums this everyday.

Oh God, this sucks. Every song reminds me of her.

Seeing that my attempt failed, I'd better do something else. I think going out would be good. But before anything else I need to take a long, comfortable bath, I just want some time to relax my body and mind.

After shutting down the computer I stretch my weary arms and stand from the chair. Feeling rather depressed and down, I walk lazily towards the bathroom. It was another dull day.

"Syaoran? What's wrong?" someone spoke as I walk towards the bathroom looking down to my feet. I looked up and saw my mother standing in front of me.

She looked at me with caring eyes, "Nothing, just sleepy," I lied.

It seems that it didn't work, maybe my mother knew me very well, too well.

I heard her sigh, "Fine, don't tell me," as she walked back to her room bad-tempered.

My mother's childishness makes me laugh. I remember her, one time I kept something from her; she walked away from me without saying a word. She didn't talk to me for quite awhile, and it made me feel really guilty. How on earth does she do that?

I'm not talking about my mother, I'm talking about her.

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As entered the bathroom, I locked the door and took off my clothes. I stare at myself through our large mirror. My hair, it's messy, I haven't even combed it and it's already midday, how miserable.

Staring at myself didn't help either, I just remembered her more.

Maybe she didn't like the color of my hair; maybe she didn't like a boy who has chocolate-colored hair. Nope, she played with my hair whenever she got the chance to do so, meaning, she liked my hair.

My eyes? No, she stared back at my amber eyes every time I stared at her, and she'd always smile.

Nose perhaps? She kisses me there often, so still not it. Possibly my lips, I don't think so, if she did, she wouldn't have kissed it a million times.

I look at my naked body, maybe she didn't like my physique, and maybe she wanted those men with over-built body, like those wrestlers in television, or maybe the thin type, which is under-built.

Many women would die just to hold this perfect body of mine, even I laugh with my crazy ideas, so I guess not.

I stopped looking at myself at the mirror and started to take a bath. I twisted the shower valve and felt the cold water hit my whole body.

Although I wasn't looking at myself anymore, it didn't stop me from thinking.

Maybe she didn't like my voice?

Or maybe my attitude, maybe she felt that we were too alike, or too different. I don't know.

How loathsome that day was, because it was so boring all I can do is think of her.

But when I think about it, everyday has been so boring, ever since that day, ever since that unforgettable day; the day she left me.

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After taking a bath and brushing my teeth, I got dressed.

Seeing that mother is already in the living room, I needn't go to her room to say goodbye.

"Mom, I'm going out for awhile, don't wait up for me," I said as I opened the front door and waved goodbye to my mother, she didn't reply, maybe she was still angry at me for not telling her anything.

The chilly breeze made me shiver a little, it was cold, it was winter after all…

Most of the houses were covered in snow, it wasn't so deep but everything was covered in white snow. Some children were playing snowball fights and the others were making snowmen beside their houses. The sun was up but was covered with clouds.

I took the sweater hanging on the wall of our house and start to walk, I don't know where to go anyway, and so I'll just walk around, anywhere my feet would take me.

It was cold even though I wore a thick sweater. So cold and so dark.

After sometime, the atmosphere felt colder, and gloomier than before.

I haven't walked far but it already made my legs tired, and still, it is she who occupies my mind.

Resting for sometime would be good, so I sat at a nearby bench.

Weeks have passed by since that fateful day. I can never forget that day, the day I set her free. It wasn't like I didn't have any choice; it was because, I made my choice.

Although… honestly saying, I regret what I did. I want her to be truly happy, yes, I want her happiness but something is still etched on my mind, my 'what-if' questions.

I'm not sure if I made the right decision because I never heard back from her.

Maybe that's the reason I miss her, the reason that I long for her, because she never even called me back to say thank you or I'm sorry or anything of that sort.

But one thing is for sure, I loved her back then, and still up to now, I do.

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Here I am again, walking the snow-covered streets. I passed by a pond that was frozen solid earlier and it reminded me that day we ice-skated together, because of her clumsiness, it was difficult teaching her the basics, but I didn't mind that, I was happy, happy that we were together that day.

For some reason, tears never fell down my cheeks when she said goodbye to me.

I don't know why but I'm certain that I felt very lonely after that day.

It seemed like forever. After that day she left me, the days became longer, and I felt lonelier than I ever was day-by-day. Maybe if I never let her go from the start, I would never have felt this way, so alone, so isolated.

Feeling sadder than before due to instances when I am reminded of her, I decided to stay someplace where she and I used to spend time together. I wanted to remember her, I never did want to forget her, and maybe that's why I never moved on.

I felt like I wanted to burst, I wanted to run after her, only if I knew where she was. I'd tell her everything, all the things that I've always wanted to tell her and maybe, maybe that'd change her mind but I was never given the chance to tell her everything.

So here I am, still clinging to my past even though it only brings me torment and agony beyond imagination, especially regretting the fact that I never even tried to hold onto her, never tried to stop her from walking away.

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It seems like hours passed by and I am still here, standing in Penguin Park, the place where she first opened up to me, the first day she cried on my shoulders.

I'm not moving forward, maybe because a large part of me still hopes that she'd still come back.

"Syaoran-kun," I heard a soft voice behind me.

I recognized the voice instantly, I knew that voice, it was hers.

My heart started beating faster than ever. I looked back and there I saw her, she was standing in front of me.

Maybe my head was playing tricks on me, was I that desperate that I even imagined her there?

I took a deep breath and tried touching her, she was solid, she was there, she was real. "Sakura-chan?" I said in disbelief.

She simply smiled back at me. I couldn't stop myself from embracing her, I held onto her tight. I held onto her, never wanting to let go of her. "I'm sorry Syaoran-kun," I heard her whisper to my ears.

I think I knew what she meant, but my body didn't let go.

"Sakura-chan, I love you so much. I'm sorry for ever letting you go," I started as I let my heart do all the talking. "I'm sorry for not trying to fight for what I feel; I just didn't want to force you into loving me if you didn't feel that way for me any longer. I'd never let you go if you'd tell me that you still love me. I love you so much, but if you don't love me, please tell me, please tell me directly that you don't love me anymore."

Feeling rather stupid to ask such, I let go of her, "I don't…" she started as she was lost in words.

I stopped my body and mustered enough strength to let her go. I knew what her answer was; she would never have left me if she still loved me after all.

I smiled at her as I spoke, "I'm sorry for asking you such stupid things."

Then after speaking, I turned away and walked slowly away from her.

But to my surprise I felt her embrace me from behind, "I thought you'd never let me go," I heard her say as I felt her warm body next to mine.

Maybe it was because I knew she'd come back that I never even cried when she left me, or maybe it was only coincidental that after that gruesome decision, both of us learned each other's importance in our lives, that it was very difficult living, if your whole world has left you, maybe, just maybe…

I hugged her tightly, I held onto her, "I never will," I said as I felt something cold fall down my cheeks.

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**Author's Note:**

So, was it okay? Was it bad? Based on a true story by the way, but the ending wasn't like this, it was, how do I say this, it was, very different. Reviews are very much appreciated, thank you so much! Marty-kun


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